Last week was one of those weeks when you become so angry, so frustrated, so confused, and so sad, that you just can’t take it anymore… and the thoughts of sending in a resignation letter from teaching fill your mind. The number of swear words that left my head was quite impressive, I must say. I knew being a teacher was never going to be easy, I just never knew it was going to be this hard.
Today I watched Brené Brown’s new netflix documentary ‘Call to Courage’ and if you haven’t seen it, stop reading and go watch it now! I was listening to her share the history of some of her famous words and after sharing her connection to Theodore Roosevelt she said, “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”
I choked up. I realized, last week I was striving for comfort and losing my sense of courage. That was why last week was so hard. I’ve been getting my ass kicked so hard and for so long and so unfairly, that I just wanted it to stop… and the only way for it to stop, is for me to leave and quit. My husband doesn’t understand it (and maybe you don’t either)– why I stay in the arena that I choose… and honestly I have no idea why. I think at the core of my heart and mind, I know leaving would relieve a massive weight for a short amount of time. I’m going to continue to choose courage and because of that I’m going to continue to get my ass kicked. The true change doesn’t lie in going to a different school, it lies in my ability to courageously advocate for my students and separate other people’s pain from mine.
I am not the pain that others feels, nor do I have to allow other peoples pain to become my pain… and that’s what was happening.
Going into this next week, I’m exhausted, i’m an unorganized mess, and I’m going to make a conscious effort when I feel my joy leaving my body, to stop myself and call out, this is not my pain, this is someone else’s. I will not allow others to inflict their pain on me. Mind over matter right? Easier said than done, but I have a feeling it’s going to work out.
And while I’m at it… I am creating a de-escalation plan for myself… Can’t wait to share that one with you 🙂
In other news, it’s a hard time of year and we are stronger than we believe we are. That’s the truth. Outfit details from last week below.
monday details
t-shirt: x-small | jean jacket: x-small | jeans: 24P | shoes: 7.5 | all true to size
tuesday details
shirt: x-small | jeans: 24P | shoes: 7.5 | all true to size
wednesday details
dress: size 2 | planner: 4TheLoveofPi
thursday details
jumpsuit: x-small p | shoes: 7.5 | both on clearance!
friday details
jacket: xx-small | shirt: x-small P | jeans: 24 P | shoes: 7.5 | all true to size
with kindness | ashley
