March 14, 2021

finding the self-care strategies that work for you

There was this conversation I had in September of 2019 with an individual in my former districts hr office that I will never forget. It was one of those conversations that pops back into your mind months after you’ve had some time to reflect. I was asked if and what I was doing to take care of self and asked me to give her a to-do list of all the self-care activities I would be doing over the weekend (and yes she did make me follow-up). I named going to trader joes, play a game of tennis, getting a manicure, cleaning my office, doing a face mask, and watching shows on netflix. A pretty good list for me, I thought.

What works for one of us, may not work for another. We are all such individually unique in our experiences and needs– it’s beautiful. For me though, even before I had PTSD, during high stress times, self-care strategies never seemed work. Sometimes the self-care strategies I would try to use felt like chores and not something that was meant to center me during stressful times. I love face masks… and that was one of my “go-to” strategies… but I realized that was more of a skin basic need care strategy and wasn’t bringing me the relaxation I needed… for some people, a face mask could be really calming and relaxing– it just hasn’t been for me. It wasn’t until I shifted my mindset about what self-care actually is and what it means to me that I was able to find things that actually work.

I went from “what activities can I do to take better care of myself” to answering the question “what activities bring joy, light, and happiness into my life?” To me, it’s more about what makes the darkest days lighter. When we are utterly exhausted, what do we need to feel love and joy when our mind is scrambled from the chaos of our worlds. What calms us? What creates a flood of happiness to flow through our brains? To me, that is self-care. It’s knowing the answer to those questions and being able to use those strategies or have those experiences when you’re in times of stress or exhaustion. Making that shift helped me learn how to be proactive about my health and have a strong set of strategies on the hard days.

The list I shared with this individual in HR had zero joy in it then and would contain zero joy in it now… but you better believe I did every thing I listed in hopes it would work. Maybe if I just took a litttle bit better care of myself, I wouldn’t feel so traumatized. Maybe some self-care can make all the stress go away. Except, to me. the only things that can combat stress and trauma are joy and love… and my list included neither… it included what I saw as strategies, which work perfectly for a lot of people, but I needed to find out what worked for me. Truth be told… I’m basically a tier 3 behavior kiddo… normal strategies don’t really work on me. I have to constantly think outside the box to support myself. The beautiful part about that is I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

If I was asked the same question today, my list would look entirely different:

1) go to the beach and write in my journal
2) think of a person that brings joy and safety into my life and check-in with them *I have this list written down in case of emergencies :)*
3) read something inspiration that I can connect with
4) do an act of kindness for another person
5) order my favorite food (hot and sour soup, nom)
6) go to pilates (literally soooo many benefits for high stress and PTSD)
7) support a small business
8) hug someone or sit close with someone that feels safe to me (usually my mom or brother, lol)

Ask yourself “what activities bring joy, light, and happiness into my life” change your set of self-care strategies? Some might stay, but other may be added. For me, it made all the difference… and if you’re maybe struggling with self-care too, I hope this shift can help you as much as it has helped me.

What’s on your list of self-care activities? AKA… what activities bring you light and joy into your life? Can’t wait to hear how we are similar and different!

Here are a few behind the scenes moments of me practicing self-care from the last couple months 🙂