One of the most difficult dilemmas of being back in the blogging world is wanting to be authentic and share empowering messages about advocating for your students but then remembering my story and what could happen to a teacher who is relentless in their pursuit to advocate for their students.
I say could because I know not everyone’s advocacy story is going to be my story… but i’m also not in the denial of what happens to teachers when they push back against corruption, inequities, abuse, and “the way things have always been.” I’ve experienced it… and I struggle with sharing something that could spark a fire of advocacy for a teacher only for them to face unjust retaliation… even while being a “teacher whistleblower.”
But I also can’t stay silent about it either… and that’s what I’ve been doing.
Staying silent, before November of 2020, in fear of my real-life advocacy and my blog advocacy being used against me in some way by my previous district… Staying silent out of fear that a new district would find my blog and view me as an “issue” rather than an advocate. I was staying silent to try and preserve my career. What. That’s not me.
If using our voice and speaking our truth creates questions around a districts desire to want to hire us or maintain our employment… that doesn’t sound like a district I want to work for anyways. The character of a school district is important and if advocacy is looked down upon, it sounds like they might struggle with ethical decision making. There are probably plenty of school districts that value advocacy, doing what’s best for students, and supporting their educators– unfortunately, not all of them.
Last week when reading my old journal, I was reminded of all the times I stayed silent in my previous district out of fear. I took the risks, paid the cost, and I almost “learned” what they wanted me to learn. I almost learned it’s better to hide parts of who I am and my story to avoid the consequences of what could happen when I show up as me– as the person and educator I was raised to be, the person and educator my educators taught me to be, and the person and educator my students needed me to be… and the person and educator I need to be for me.
Showing up as me means questioning detrimental decision making and bringing to light discriminatory, inequitable, and illegal practices that impact students with disabilities and students of color– a protected right we as educators SHOULD have access to. It means using my voice to amplify my students voice and what their behavior was communicating… in order to keep them safe from possible sexual abuse, emotional abuse, discrimination, and harassment… and if that turns into having to confront groups of people that run systems that choose to turn a blind eye, scapegoat, and retaliate like some people who work in school districts, child protective services, police departments, and/or agencies that support children like Boys and Girls Club (just to name an example), and others… I’m going to confront it. I did confront it.
I’m always going to choose morality over conformity when children are involved… Every. Single. Time. I don’t care what they said about me or what they’re going to continue to say about me. Right is right and wrong is wrong.
While I still feel the emotion of fear, I’m over it… and I’m over staying silent. The only people that benefit from my silence, at this point, are the people who continue to maintain corrupt and unjust systems that hurt children and educators. I have only ever wanted my students to be safe. From the sound of it, while I faced retaliation (among some other former colleagues) and developed PTSD, people, some where, made some decent decision for my students and to my understanding, things improved for them. That’s all I ever wanted. I didn’t make these choices for me, I made the choices I made for them. However, that doesn’t erase what happened to me but I can share my story in hopes people start to see all the issues that get swept under the rug in education and start to take action for change.. or some one, some where reads one of my posts and feels they aren’t alone… because we’re not alone.
Starting in March of 2018, I have so many blog posts that have been written that I was too scared to share. Slowly and surely I’m going to start sharing them, without making any new edits… along with new perspectives i’ve learned along the way, and stories that share the reality of what I went through… and what other educators may have gone through or are currently going through. If there is something you can relate to or want to share your story, I would love to hear from you, just listen to you, or be a sound board for you. We are stronger together. Love wins, not fear. E-mail me at teacherdresscode@hotmail.com with the subject: my story. Let me know if you want me just to listen, respond, or share it.
We are in this together.
And each and every story matters.
with kindness | ashley