Sometimes we have to go forward to go backwards. There are also times in our lives when the only way for the gate to our future to open is to lose everything we thought we loved. Love has been an idea and concept that has gracefully transformed in meaning within my life over the last two years. What I once thought was love, I was mistaken– professionally and personally.
I’ve been trying to search for a concrete and defining “this is why” moment that started the uphill climb of advocacy and perpetual downfall of my well-being… the moment that some people in power decided my personal power needed to dwindle until there was nothing left of it at all. The moment they chose to abuse me. They is the people of power within my former school district.
The moment my name became just another name on the long list of other educators who experienced pain on behalf of the people in power in my former district. There have been quite a few former and current educators from my previous district who have read my blog or watched my instagram stories and have shared it happened to them too. That’s on top of the number of stories I had heard while I was working there and number of educators where I first hand witnessed it too.
This defining moment.. the “this is why” this is happening to you moment… in my former district, develops the moment you raise concerns or questions about programming, practices, or disagree with a district decision to the people whose name is associated with whatever that program, practice, or decision might be. While the educators intent is in the best interest of their students, the impact it has on the decision maker ignites a sense of rage as the educators advocacy is viewed as personal attack against them. Being egotistical might be the worst characteristic in a leader because it often leads to harm on others as a way to preserve their own feelings… feelings that never should have been hurt in the first place because the concerns were never about them to begin with. Does this happen in other districts as well? Teachers have rights… and depending on what you are advocating for, some educators have protected rights… but very rarely do people know that and/or follow those rights.
So when did this moment begin for me? I always thought it was March of 2018. Again, I was mistaken. It was the moment I questioned my first involuntary transfer and voiced those concerns in an open forum with my co-teacher and former superintendent in September of 2016. I questioned authority in a public forum in which my former superintendent said he had no idea I was being moved and he would follow up with this decision maker. I shared implications with my students current IEP plans being out of compliance and what was in their best interest. I shared about our inclusion model and how this move could impact the school. My former superintendent did follow up with the decision maker and he followed up with me. At the end of the day, I was still involuntarily transferred (due to # of students in special ed declining… not number/amount of services needed to legally serve them in their least restrictive environment)… and had just acquired a massive target on my back.
I questioned if a decision was in the best interest of my students and myself. I advocated. I used my voice and my privilege for students of color and students with disabilities… and because of that, in the eyes of some people with power, specifically the decision makers of that decision, I was no longer a human. I was dehumanized into an issue, into a problem, into some emotional and dramatic teacher… and then treated less than a human for years by these same people. I hurt the feelings of someones ego. Sure, maybe apart of it is also because I’m younger, different type of education, different types of life experience… whatever it may be… all I know is if I never would have questioned authority, this story wouldn’t be my story… but it is my story and maybe some parts are ours… in real life or in your own teaching experience.
Given, things got bigger as more important issues arose, which is why my situation escalated to the extent that it did… but it could have been avoided had leaders followed the laws and practiced the clearly defined values they had identified in their strategic plan. But what good are pieces of paper that have laws and plans written on them if the people responsible for regulating them and implementing them constantly break them? They are useless. Laws are only as strong as the people enforcing them.
Office of Civil Rights, you have a lot of work to do– internally and externally… especially when conducting investigations.
I’m still going to question authority when needed (and only necessary for students rights or my rights) and advocate under my rights even with this being my experience. I’m sharing this part of the story because this is where it all started… and well, the little things, the little details matter… and if the little things aren’t handled lawfully and appropriately, they can turn into big, big things. Like teachers and students qualifying for new diagnosis’ of PTSD… and the teacher burnout rate being so incredibly high.
Education has the power to change the world. Knowledge is education. If we want change within our profession, we have to know our rights and the resources we have available. That way when we try to access them, the people in charge know what to do… and we are emotionally safe and supported.
up next: when fear is the name of the game, hyper-compliant behavior is the most popular move.
with kindness | ashley