A lot of different effects came from my decision to not attend the equity training that day. The most notable effect was that choice being the first piece of “evidence” that was stored away and saved for a later date to be used against me and call my character and commitment into question. The most meaningful effect was the letter I wrote to the student whose mistreatment and injustices prompted my stand while he was still in juvy.
We have to start looking at our most challenging students and even each other in a different light in order for true equity and inclusion to ever occur. I am a huge advocate for equity training– HUGE. I think it’s one of the most needed resources in our entire society… but when equity is simply a key word and something to advertise on a facebook page and isn’t actually in practice, even when people claim it is, I have a problem with it. Especially when my students, who it’s suppose to be supporting, are mistreated by the leaders making these claims. I will probably say this over a million times: words and actions need to align.
It is possible to be angry, show grace, and work for change without perpetuating the already existing hate and divides in our systems and country. I don’t have the answer on the how, but I know it’s possible… and I believe that’s apart of my journey. That’s been a major theme in what I’ve been figuring out along the way… even in the constant storm of loss, injustice, and hypocrisy, I can see the light. We have to start choosing to do what’s right over being right.
I’m about to share this letter and this is why: perspective matters. listening matters. understanding matters. people matter. you matter. i matter. he mattered. how we see the world and each other matter.
Our “why” matters… and he has been my “why” on how I’ve been able to move forward.
Written 12-22-2017, one and a half months after I declined the equity training.
Hi Angel,
Do you remember back to the beginning of 7th grade when I told our class that nothing any of you could ever say or do would ever disappoint me? I meant it. I am proud and honored to have been your teacher– every.single.day.
There is NOTHING you could ever do that will change the way I see you.
I see you as a patient and forgiving person. People have mistreated you over and over again, yet you still accept them and love them.
I see you as brave for showing up to school each day to a world of judgement and lack of understanding.
I see you as kind. In a world that can often be a very dark place, I always admired how you were nice to everyone– not just your friends.
I see you as hardworking and strategic. When you set your mind to something, you figure out a way to accomplish your goal.
I see you as a teacher because of all the things you taught me. All my students at *previous school* thank you because if you had not been my teacher I wouldn’t be as creative, as good of a listener, as patience, and as strong when I have to fight along side them… which I have to do more than I would like.
I see you as a difference maker. You made a huge difference in my life.
I see you as a human who deserves to be loved, understood, and valued.
I see you as a story teller. A story teller that has so much power, strength, and empathy, and perspective that the world will become a safer, more loving, and more supportive place because of your journey.
I see your journey. I can see how hard your journey has been. At home, at school, with belonging. The world we live in makes it hard to step back and see that despite what people have made us feel, we matter.
You matter.
You don’t need to change anything about the person you are. You are already kind, thoughtful, hardworking, loving, smart, resilient, and motivated person.
People and choices are two totally different things. No one is their choice. Your choices are not bad. Your choices are trying to fill something that is missing in your life. To fill what’s missing, these choices, that some might view as “bad” are in some way making you feel more complete inside. Logically, if bad choices make us feel good on the inside, we must be bad right?
Wrong.
We live in a world full of anger, unhappiness, unfairness, and hardship. Other people make their own choices that cause the world to feel that way. The world changes when we find our purpose. Sometimes it’s hard to really understand what our purpose is.
I truly, whole-heartily believe that we share the same purpose. I once had a teacher say something very similar to what I’m going to say to you:
You are looking at your life all wrong. All the years of experiences that make the world seem awful and at times, like it might hate you… it’s easy to confuse the two but the world is telling you it needs you. You understand hardship and pain. You understand the flaws in our educational system and flaws in our nation, you understand being left and feeling like no one cares at all. At 14, you have lived more life and a range of experiences that most people ever do. You have the voice and the perspective that is missing in our world. The voice and perspective that hundreds, thousands, actually millions of kids need to hear. When you grow up like us, it’s hard to be seen. I see you.
The people in your light might never see you and with time that won’t matter anymore. What matters is what you see in the world. Our world needs more people like us, like you, kids need you. The kids without fathers, the kids who are misunderstood in school, the kids who are lovely, believe they are worthless, they can’t do anything right. They need you.
Your purpose in this world is your story. You have the power to let it destroy you or inspire and understand others. I had the same power and a hard choice. Destroy or inspire and understand? I think you can guess which one I chose.
I didn’t think I could do it and no one else thought I could either. It was hard. I “failed” many times but my purpose helped reground me. Life actually got harder just when I thought it couldn’t. I started saying to myself, “how will this make me a good teacher someday?” There were times that I couldn’t find the answer and that is okay. I didn’t know how to create the life I wanted, but felt like I didn’t deserve, but you learn as you go.
I have never once doubted you, questioned your strength, or stopped believing in your power to make a positive difference in others lives.
I am your biggest fan and will continue to be your biggest fan no matter which path you are on or which path you choose. I will support you, I will value you, and I will always believe in you. Nothing you do will ever make me disappointed in you.
All I want for you and all my students is to realize their purpose, find their happiness, and create the future of your dreams, NOT what the world tells you or whats easy… or the examples you’ve had… but your dream. If you knew you wouldn’t fail– that type of dream.
I know it doesn’t feel that way but you have the power. You don’t have to choose now, I just want you to know you can.
Rest in peace, Angel.
May we all band together to finds ways to prevent our educational system from failing our students that need it the most… and build a new inclusive one where each and every student actually matters.
Click here to read the original copy.
Next post: mine and angel’s story continued and how my previous district responded to our story.
I created these two graphics the day before writing the letter to Angel. That’s where my head was at. What was within my control.
