Teacher trauma is so real. Sometimes when I sit down to write I have to remind myself I’m not a doctor and I don’t have a PhD in the stuff I talk about. Meaning by todays standards nothing I say is science or evidence based. If we were able to earn a doctorate degree by overcoming some of life’s toughest adversities, my degree would be valid. Instead, I just have life experience, my sociology, disability studies, and special ed degrees, and my intuition… and when combined, I reach these conclusions that help me understand the world. What i’m trying to say is: take what I say as an opinion and set of beliefs that are true to me and my experiences.
One of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is “When you learn, teach. When you get, give.” Her wise words, among many others, are what has inspired this blog series… and really who’s to say just because something isn’t science now doesn’t mean it won’t be some day. Anyways… back on-task š
In my last teacher diaries post I shared the very lame and lackluster “why this all started.” While it seems like a very small thing, it’s also a very real thing. In recent trauma research, experts have added “fawning” to the freeze, fight, and flight trauma typical trauma responses. To me, compliance is very similar to fawning– you make adjustments to survive and keep yourself safe because for whatever the reason may be you know if you don’t you could be harmed (emotionally or physically).
Compliance is one of my many issues with the way things have been done in public education. According to dictionary.com compliance can be defined as: the act of conforming, acquiescing, or yielding. a tendency to yield readily to others, especially in a weak and subservient way. conformity; accordance: in compliance with orders. cooperation or obedience.
Obedience. We are trained to teach kids to be obedient to our standards instead of giving them the skills to free think on their own. “Respect your elders, do as you are told, listen to your teacher simply because they are your teacher” are all messages I received as a child and are still common beliefs in our education system… for students and their teachers.
So, what would happen in my former district if you questioned authority or advocated about something that didn’t align with a person in power? What would happen if you were disobedient? If you whistleblew against them?
-increased “supervision”or involvement in your work
-negative assumptions made about your character that impacts the validity of your advocacy and/or concerns
-lack of support going forward
-loss of resources
-increase in workload
-responsibilities being threatened or taken away
-ultimatums with clearly defined “if and thens”
-being moved from one grade level to the next
-teams being switched up (especially if they were too strong and wanted to advocate)
-being involuntarily transferred
-negative and unwarranted performance reviews
-smear campaigns and secretive questions being asked about you to gain more information to be used against you at a later time
-people of power purposefully defying you to increase their “power” status over you
-slander and gaslighting
just to name a few.
So you experience this or you see this happening daily in your community or hear stories from others about those who advocate or ask questions and… well… to keep your self safe, what do you do? One option is comply.
You know what you need to do to stay safe. Do your job, stay quiet, let things go, and keep moving forward. Welcome to the climate and culture of my former school district. Where teachers comply in many situations that are harmful to themselves or students to stay safe. It’s logic and science. And has worked in favor of my former district for years. When people are bold enough to go to the top after they’ve fought through almost all the things on the list above, by that point it’s either time for them to leave or the district is willing to “compromise” in the form of a payout and non-disclosure agreement.
World and other teachers– this is why teachers stay silent. This is why things don’t change. This is why we continue to teach the same expectation of compliance in schools. It’s OUR expectation too.
When you don’t want to comply (because it’s legally and morally wrong or not in the best interest of kids), what’s the other option? You keep on using your voice and you suffer. You fight… and most likely exhaust yourself and probably meet eligibility for a mental health disorder due to the constant strain or you quit… you get “burnt out.” Unless you’re in an education system that operates morally and justly towards teachers and students, which exist. I work in one now.
But unfortunately, there are some school districts that operate similar in nature to my former one. If you are in one of those school districts, teacher, I’ve got to tell you… it’s not you, it’s them. And based on my experience, a handful of teachers aren’t enough to make a difference. The systems of abuse in pubic education are deep. It’s going to take all of us, uniting, and joining together around our rights, and how we deserve to be treated. The first step is being educated in the realities that some of us educators have or will face. It’s talking about it so we are aware it’s wrong. It’s learning together and growing through the change.
At this juncture, I don’t have the answers on what to do. Not yet, at least. The only control I have in this situation is sharing my story to build awareness (and hopefully personal accountability through reflection and changing of behaviors within education decision makers)… but if you’ve ever been in a situation where you took a risk and it felt like no one (or very few people) had your back, it’s not what you were/are doing or saying is wrong, it’s that you work in an environment fueled by shame, fear, and compliance… of retaliation… and people have to keep themselves safe, too.
Fear and trauma impact every single person different. There is only one wrong way of handling these feelings: making people feel the pain you feel because you want others to hurt as bad as you are hurting… so you intentionally make choices to harm others. Hurting for money and hurting for power are two additional ways hurt people, hurt people.
If we expect or believe our students can be cycle breakers, then why not us too? We have to break the cycles for ourselves and each other. That’s all I know so far.
with kindness | ashley